Everyone I've Ever Loved
by Scepidilionz
Summary: Levi writes a letter to Farlan asking him to help Erwin, and is brought to tears over the loss of so many people important to him. He refuses to lose the last one, and vows to protect them at all costs. [one-shot]


_Dear Farlan,_

 _I hope the heavens are treating you well, I'm sure you ended up there. I hope you and Isabel have been having fun, and not watching me too much… Can you have nightmares up there? Because that's what it's like down here. I haven't written you in a long time because… I didn't want to tell you how I was feeling. You're the only person I was ever truly able to confide in, and I always hated seeing that pout on your face when I told you something was wrong. You were always so sensitive to what I was feeling though, you knew before I could even say anything, and you always knew how to make me feel better._

 _Farlan, everyone I have ever loved is dying. I thought I would have you and Isabel in my life forever, and I was wrong. I only wish I would have held you more, and that I would have read more stories to Isabel while she was young. Perhaps we could have gotten out of our situation back then, gotten real jobs, and taken care of her better. Maybe we could have been a family for just a bit longer. Please tell her that her big brother loves her, and that I think of her often._

 _I fell in love again. With that young woman you briefly met, Petra Rall. I eventually was promoted, and I even led my own squad. My squad was killed, Farlan, along with Petra. I saw her body, pressed up against a tree, her eyes glassed over. She was always smiling, no matter what. I was an ass to her sometimes, but she always smiled at me. I don't know what I did to deserve that. She was killed by one of those freaks I told you about, back when I thought humanity had a chance. Now the bitch who killed her is currently in some sort of crystal underground, sleeping, like she deserves that peace. Hanji Zoe is trying to study her, and figure out if there's anything that we could do with her power. If anyone can do it, it's her._

 _I met Petra's father briefly. He confided in me how she planned to devote herself to me. Whether this meant marriage or not… I'll never know. I'm sure you've met Petra up there too. She reminds me a lot of Isabel, they both smiled so much, and cared for others often to the extent of self detriment._

 _Erwin… Oh god, Erwin. We couldn't have been more wrong about him, Farlan. The man is brilliant. He was the best chance humanity had. He can see more than we ever could. He's brilliant and stubborn, a dangerous combination, especially if you're on his bad side. He was what we needed to win!_

 _He's going to meet you up there soon, I already said my goodbyes, he's been unconscious for days, please don't hold anything against him. Show him what peace is. What it means not to struggle. He deserves it._

 _The doctors say he doesn't have long… He lost too much blood. They've been trying to give him blood transfusions, but there's internal bleeding too, and they can't patch that up. He's going to die. Yet another person I have laid my heart out to… Gone. I can't this anymore Farlan. You, Isabel, Petra, Erwin… Why?_

 _Farlan, please don't take her too. She's our last bet. After Hanji… I can't do anymore. I won't be able to. Everyone has a breaking point, and I'm just about to hit mine. You know me, I'm not the type to whine and complain, and lament every mistake I've made, every death I've indirectly caused… But the death of humanity? That will be my fault. Because I couldn't save our last card. Sure, we have Yeager… but muscle is no good without a plan to put it into action. Arlert is brilliant too, Erwin wanted him to have a chance at being commander one day, but he lacks experience. And who knows if he'll live long enough to gain it. I refuse to put humanity in the hands of kids. So I have to defend Hanji until my last breath. Forgive me if I join you sooner than we intended in the pursuit of that._

 _Just please,_ _ **please**_ _don't let me fall in love with her too. Because everyone I've ever loved ends up dead. I'm a curse. Not her too, Farlan, please. Talk to whoever you have to up there. She doesn't deserve such a brutal and violent death. No one does, you didn't, Isabel didn't… Erwin doesn't... But not her too._

 _I love you, Farlan. Until we meet again,_

 _Levi Ackerman._

Levi stood up, wiping tears from his eyes. It wasn't every day that he cried, but sometimes it got too much to bear. He folded up his letter, and placed it in an envelope. He reached for his wax stamper, when he felt a hand on top of his. He hadn't sensed her before, "Hanji…" He froze when she reached down to hug him, petting his hair like a mother would comfort a small child, "How long…?" He asked a question with two meanings. How long did Erwin have, and how long had she been standing there.

"He's gone." She said, tears swelling in her eyes. "I saw it happen, Levi." She was shaking, and took off her glasses, dropping them. When she knelt down to pick them up, she fell, deciding not to struggle and just sit there.

"I see." He said, standing up. He didn't go over to help her immediately. Sometimes it just felt good to fall to the ground and realise just how helpless you really were. He had done that a few times. He grabbed his stamper, sealing the letter roughly. He then lit the fireplace, watching the flames grow from a tiny spark to a full blaze. "Hanji, please don't cry. You're commander now, You have to be strong."

"I don't want to be, I want Erwin back." She set her glasses on the table, putting her head in her hands. "Levi… for so long… It's just been the three of us." She grabbed the hem of his pants, "Levi…"

Levi gave in and knelt in front of her, pulling her into a hug, "I know." He sighed, still refusing to shed tears in her presence. "I know." He mirrored her previous motion, petting her hair, "He wouldn't want us to cry. He would want us to get out there and kick some titan ass." He couldn't bare to see her like this. It was miserable.

"I know." She nodded, leaning into him, "The letter?" She asked, looking at it. Whatever it was had brought him to tears, it must be very important. There were very few things that she had ever seen bring him to that point. "Is it… for Erwin?"

"Sort of." He could feel the warmth of the fire on his back, Hanji needed that too, so he spun around so that he could lean his back against one of the legs of a desk, and cradle her so that she could face the fire. He watched the way it lit up the angles of her face, how it caught the glint of misery in her eyes. "Do you remember Farlan and Isabel?"

She nodded, how could she ever forget? They were such kind people, especially Isabel. Farlan tried to act tough, but he was a marshmallow to her. "Of course."

He closed his eyes, he couldn't bring himself to look at her as he said this, "Farlan and I… were lovers. We took in Isabel when she was nine years old… And raised her. I was writing this letter to Farlan, asking him to forgive Erwin. And to continue to look over Isabel and Petra." Shock registered on his face when she reached up to run her fingers through his hair. It was greasy. He hadn't showered in a few days, he was too stressed to even think about it.

She had no idea he could be so… Sentimental. A lot of people misjudged Levi, and said he was emotionless… but he wasn't. Far from it in fact. He was just a deeply troubled person, who was tired of getting hurt, time and time again. He put on that front to prevent people from getting close to him, because once they got too close, they could hurt him. "Levi, that's beautiful. I'm sure all of them miss you very-" Tears welled up in her eyes and she wrapped her arms around his neck, unable to say another word. She just cried. She felt powerless to do anything else. Levi was the closest person to her in the entire world, and he had just confided to her one of his greatest secrets. He trusted her. She was one of the people he allowed to get close, even though in the end, she might end up breaking his fragile, beating, human heart. He trusted her as much as she trusted him.

He threw the letter into the fire, and as the paper burned the smoke stung his eyes. Or at least, that's what he wanted to believe, because his eyes were watering as well. "They miss you too, Hanji."

 _I love you._


End file.
